A hundred times
by Englishfooddoesn'tsuck
Summary: Meeting someone once doesn't mean much, right? Well, it might mean more if your days are as wierd as these guy's. America drinks ranch, tricks people into eating spicy food, throws fig newtons,dresses as England, and more. England, has a feud with a squirrel, sits in the rain, and arm wrestles Germany.
1. Planes

1. "At least it isn't dark and the weather is fairly clear." Thought England as he drove America's car to the airport. He was driving cautiously because no matter how often he visited other countries for work he could never get used to the fact that they drove on the wrong side of the road. His anxiety was not eased by America, who had gotten bored with his video game and decided to pass the time with something called "The license plate game." A game, Arthur was nearly certain had been invented for two reasons, one to bother him, and two so the American could say a ridiculous number of state names.  
"Whoa, there's an Alaska," called Alfred as the car changed lanes. "Seems kinda far east for one of those... I'm bored, I'ma play my game some more." England let out a small sigh of relief. It hadn't even been his idea to drive together, their next meeting was being held in the U.K. and because of storms his first flight had been cancelled. A week later on his way to rent a car he ran into America. The man had insisted that they save gas and energy by driving his vehicle.  
An hour later they arrived at the airport and had quite the hassle with security. After taking care of the luggage the two had stated towards the loading dock when a large, sweaty man had taken the Brit aside to question him about his "suspiciously large eyebrows."  
"Sir, will you please cooperate and remove the items from your face?"  
"I told you, I can't they're just my eyebrows. I don't know what you think they are but you must be pretty damn stupid." Arthur snapped. The police continued to interrogate him for another ten minutes until America was able to speed it along by testifying to the fact that they were the man's real eyebrows and he worked for the British government.  
"That was humiliating and a complete waste of time. also they threatened to shave my eyebrows off." Complained England, mostly to himself, for Alfred was currently preoccupied with finding the proper seats in the crowded plane. It seemed that this flight was rather popular with other countries on their way to the meeting. Along with England and America, Austria, Canada, Spain, and France were being seated.  
Closest to the front, Canada and Spain sat with France across the aisle. A row back sat Austria, and behind him sat America at the window and England at the pathway, a rather tired looking woman between them.  
As the long flight continued, the group settled into their activities, Spain was talking avidly with France and Canada, while Austria was reading and America was absent mindedly doodling. England had taken an old receipt from his pocket, torn it to shreds and was unknowingly flicking the pieces into Austria's hair. Soon the Austrian could take no more, he stood up and to face the seats behind him.  
"Alfred, stop that, I know it's you and it's not funny." Demanded Roderich. America was quite surprised.  
"Dude what are you talking about?" they continued to fight for a long while, thoroughly gaining everyone else's attention. As the arguement escalated, England said nothing because he knew Austria would be even more angry with him than the much younger America.  
As the plane landed and everyone worked to retrieve their belongings, France walked past England.  
"Nice save in there." Chuckled the Frenchman. All of these things put together England decided he hated planes.


	2. Ties

2. On this particular day the world meeting had, for once, gone without a hitch and they'd finished early. Having no plans for the next hour, many of the countries just decided to to socialise, read or other similar activities.

Prussia and America were having a push-up contest, Germany was going over his notes, Italy was explaining the process of making his special pasta sauce to Japan, who was barely listening, and England was reading. France was currently attempting to take advantage of anyone within his reach who was wearing a tie.

"Ah. Spain, you bastard, get France off of me!" Screamed Romano before he remembered that Spain wasn't at this meeting and that the Frenchman was using his shocked state to drag him away faster. Thinking quickly he snatched a pair of scissors from a nearby table and snipped off the bottom half of his tie, leaving France holding the end and staring at it rather dejectedly while the Italian ran to safety.

Searching for his next victim he spied he slowly crept up behind the man France tried to reach the Brit's tie without his knowledge.

"Frog, if you touch my tie I'll take those scissors over there and give you a mullet." Threatened England without looking up from his book. Francis quickly retracted his hands and went to look for easier prey.

Then he spotted America, who had agreed with prussia to continue their contest on a later date. He was now catching his breath and didn't notice France walking towards him. He reached for America's tie and yanked on it to gain the man's attention but ot his surprise the tie popped off.

"l'Amerique, what is wrong with your tie?"

"It's just a clip on dude, who has the time to figure out how to tie one every morning?"Answered Alfred.

"So you really don't know how to tie a tie?" Questioned France.

"Well, I could if I wanted to. See let me prove it." America the called over to Arthur. "England, come over here and take off your tie." He commanded.

"What?!"

"I need to show France I can tie one." He added

"Oh, er, sure." England said as he undid the article of clothing and threw it to be left alone.

America took the tie and started the attempt to fix it around his own neck. After a few minutes of struggling he was left with the wrong wend hanging low and the front only ten centimetres long. It looked quite silly

"Okay, now how do I get if off?" Asked the American before he began violently pulling on the cloth. At this point England got up, took his tie back, quickly re-tieing it on his own neck in front of the others, and returning to his chair.

"Oh, so that's how you do it... I knew That." Responded America.


	3. Herb

(*based off true events*)

'Hey Canada, " called the American. Canada sighed, Alfred had made it a goal of his to act more like an adult by not asking as many stupid questions during meetings. Everyone was happy with his aim, all except for Matthew who, every time America had something to ask, decided to ask Canada if it was an intelligent question or not. So he was being bothered at least fifty times a day.  
"Is a banana a fruit or an herb?" At this Canada gave him a very strange look.  
"Um, America why would a banana be an herb?" Questioned Canada in the nicest way possible.  
"I don't know, but I think I heard it on TV or something."  
"Try asking Germany then." suggested Canada, saying the first name that popped into his mind. At this America said a quick thanks and went to question the German. Running down the hallway at top speed he nearly tripped over Sealand. Who screamed, dropped his drink and dashed away.  
"Well that was weird... Hey, Germany!"  
"What? I already said you could not set off fireworks in the conference room and no means no." Said Germany with a force that made sure he would not ask again  
"No dude, I have another question, is a banana a fruit or an herb? I tried asking Canada but I guess he didn't know." He said this and as he continued the German looked very confused. Then England, who was walking past, decided to see the cause of the odd look.  
"You twit, what kind of question is that?" As England began his rant, it caught some of the others a group had formed.  
"My question is fine! And I'm not a twit, whatever that is. Speak American." He said the last two words slowly to make sure the Brit understood them... As to be expected, this started yelling and another spew of insults.  
"All I want is to know is whether a banana's an herb or a fruit! Why are you saying "a herb?"  
"That's how it's said and a bloody banana is a fruit! This is the most moronic conversation I've ever had." Roared England. While the two were arguing,Japan decided to look up the question on his mobile.  
"America's question isn't dumb!" Japan said in surprise. everybody stopped to stare as He explained A banana plant was somewhat of a herb and america had asked an intelligent question.

(AN: This was difficult, I kept writing "a herb" when America would say "an herb.")


	4. Valentines

"Ah man, I really wanted to eat candy for lunch. Well, I guess I'll just go buy some myself. At least it'll be cheap." Thought America as he started towards his jacket, then he would walk to the nearest store. His hand froze, He hadn't noticed he'd dumped his coat on top of England's. Sticking out of England's pocket was a dark red box tied with a scarlet ribbon, a note on the top said "From your secret admirer." In some handwriting that was very different from England's.  
"Someone actually likes England enough to make something on valentines day?" Questioned America. "Hm, well I should get to the store and fast, the meeting's going to start again in a few minutes."  
When the conference began again America notice that Arthur had found his jacket but he didn't seem surprised at all, in fact he almost seemed angry.  
About an hour later everybody was calling taxis or getting rides with friends to their hotels.  
England had started walking and he threw the box into a trash bin without a second glance. America quickly went over to the bin and retrieved it. The box hadn't been opened, though the card had been opened. As America untied the box he noticed it had a range of chocolates inside, coloured from white to almost black.  
"This is great!" Said Alfred as he started putting the the contents in his mouth. England turned around at the noise and started walking back to America.  
"America, spit that out! You can't eat that!" Yelled the Brit.  
"No way dude, they're really good and you didn't even want it."  
"I'm serious, give it to me you dummy." He said while reaching for the box. But Alfred was quicker and shoved it in his jacket. England was still struggling to get it. Suddenly America felt as if he was being pulled down and then everything went black.  
As he woke up he realised where he was, back in the conference building and England was there saying something he couldn't quite understand.  
"Get up you bloody git, you can't say I didn't try to stop you." He said while lightly shaking the man's shoulder.  
"Whoa, what happened?" Alfred asked while rubbing his temples.  
"You were eating some sweets that I had intelligently thrown away. You shouldn't eat things you've taken out of the rubbish bin. I got rid of the sweets for a real reason, every year France sends me something with roofies, drugs or something similar in it." England said with a disapproving voice and a glare that would make a nun feel guilty.  
"I guess I should be lucky that France wasn't around when I passed out. So how'd I get in the conference room?" He asked standing slowly.  
"Well, I carried you in beca-"  
Whoa, you carried me! I didn't think you could pick me up with your skinny arms." Alfred laughed.  
"Hey, first of all, I'm not weak, I beat Denmark and germany in arm wrestling! Second, it's rude to interrupt people. third, I didn't know how long you were going to be out. so I brought you in here and then i was going to go. I have more important things to do than to educate you in things a five year old should know, like not to eat out of the bin." snapped Arthur. He then made motion to leave.  
"Oh, Well, thanks..." America trailed off as he watched the man leave. "No way England could beat Germany." He said to himself.  
So the next time America saw them, he made them arm wrestle. He even made a bet against England. That day America lost thirty dollars.


	5. Spork

"The U.S. has marshalled our intelligence to create something that no other country could hope to imitate." Bragged America to anyone who would listen.  
"doesn't that sound rather familiar?" Asked England while walking past the man with France.  
"Hey, don't you guys want to stop and hear about my amazing invention?" Questioned the American. Not wanting to offend the man too greatly, they paused to listen.  
"Well go on then, tell us about whatever you've done now." Encouraged the Brit.  
"Okay, Have you ever wanted to eat something, like soup, and then start eating, lets say french toast, without having to grab a fork and then switch back without all the unnecessary effort? Well do I have the answer for you, the brand new invention to sweep the nation, the spork!" At this point he pulled out an ordinary spoon, with some triangular bits missing from the top, to wave the utensil in their faces. "Now I know that both of you fine gentlemen are amaz-"  
"Why that has to be one of the most absurd, useless ideas I've ever heard."  
"At least it's better than anything you invented! Mine can be used everyday by tons of people." Argued Alfred.  
"It doesn't count if you use it and you just weigh a ton." England mocked. At this point America seemed very upset and couldn't think of a comeback so he was confused when England suddenly changed the subject. "Hey America, do you have a mobile?" He asked with a slight smile.  
"If you mean a phone, then ya but I know phones weren't invented by the British, so ha!"  
"Oh, I know. So do you happen to get texting with your mobile?" The smile still remained, making America believe he had won the arguement and the man only wished to use a phone.  
"Yeah, I get texting. Almost everyone does now. Hey, even I use it like twenty times a day. So did you need to borrow my phone or something?" Asked America.  
"Oh, no, I have my own but you might find it interesting to know that some people use one of my inventions twenty times a day." America stood there looking confused. "Texting was invented by the British." Arthur smirked.


	6. Queuing

(*Based off realish events*)

An English Simulator by England.  
Let's say you're English, like me, and one day you go out shopping. luckily you have found plenty of tea but the checkout area is really bloody crowded. Bloody lazy Spaniards wasting my time and now a Greek! I guess my day hasn't been bad enough. Great, now an Italian, what an arse, in fact I think I'll tell him so.  
"You arse, get to the back of the line. Where are your manners? Where you raised by goats?"  
Can this line get any slower. Well let's see next I'm guessing an American will come and bother me. After fifteen more minutes in line, I'll go outside and fall in a puddle, people will mock and pity me, asking if I need help, when I obviously don't. Then the American will pick me up and tell me I'm too old to walk to my car by myself.  
Then to interrupt my thoughts an American really does get in the line. Bloody Hell! He is really loud and obnoxious but you calm yourself by thinking that you are too good to get into a fight at the supermarket, so you just glare at everyone.  
Something good finally happens and the American goes to talk to the person behind him, instead of yammering at you. Ugh, their conversation is so completely daft you don't even listen... That moronic laughter gets on your nerves.  
"What are you doing here England, buying something for your hopeless hair? I'll tell you now it's a useless cause."  
Shite, that bloody frog. Can't he shop elsewhere? "Well at least I don't spent half an hour everyday watching it in the mirror, like you." Ha, that'll make him leave me be.  
"You're right, you spend an hour watching yourself, with your shirt off I might add."  
Crap, it was one fucking time and certainly not for an hour! He should stop spying on his neighbours. At least no one will believe him.  
"Sod off, you bastard." You finish by making a v-sign at him.  
When you get to the register you buy your items while glaring at the cashier. What is he so happy for? Did he forget that you beat him and him before and he should hate you? Apparently so.  
While walking out the door you remember you had a coupon you could have used. Well, too late now, if you go back they'll think you made a mistake and hold it against you.  
You make it to your car but on the way across the car park, two grown adults, older than you look, ask you for you money. Those plebs, they should get jobs.  
"Sorry, I can't spare any." Even though you glare they continue on their way, asking others for spare change. By the end of your trip you're irritated and wonder if you just need to glare more to get people to leave you alone.

AN *Should I be worried if I think like half of this while out shopping?*


	7. Ranch

It was around 9 of clock when America had walked into the British pub and met with Prussia. They had agreed to have a night out the next time they were visiting England, America for work and because he couldn't drink in his own country, Prussia's reason was that he enjoyed fighting drunk Brits.

"They just don't give up and most of the time they won't kick me out after either. Unlike Austrians, there places are so uptight, you get glares for just speaking too loud!" Complained Prussia, on his seventh beer of the night, several hours later. America had ordered some chips, which he would only call french fries, much to the waitresses irritation. He requested ranch dressing for them.

"Why are you putting ranch on chips?" Gilbert questioned the slightly less drunk American.

"Ranch is like, the best thing to put on food. You can put it on fries, pizza, and cereal. Heck, I bet it'd be good in beer." After he finished he grabbed what was left of the dressing and dumped it in the drink.

"Are you really going to drink that?" Prussia asked. Instead of answering, America just reached for it and started chugging.

"I bet you couldn't do that if it were just ranch." The prussian challenged after he finished.

"Where am I supposed to get that much ranch?" America questioned.

"I can get it easy, next meeting I'll bring it and you have to drink it all and if you don't, I win." Not willing to back down, America accepted.

Next meeting, two days later.

Walking down the hallway, America didn't really want to do it but he sure didn't want to lose. As he entered, Prussia pulled out a bucket full to the brim with ranch. Going to the head of the table he grabbed the bucket.

"Hey listen up everyone, before we start, America's gonna do an awesome challenge I told him to, drinking ranch!" Prussia yelled, gesturing to the American. At this he started raising the bucket to his lips.

"Yuck, America, don't do that." Called England as he stood up.

"You aren't the boss of me!" He returned then began to drink. England looked thoroughly disgusted after a minute when America lowered the container smiling. "Whoo, I win!"

*AN: I wrote this one for my friend who really did drink ranch. Definitaly not that much though. If she tried that much I would has put up more of a fight to stop her. Thanks to followers, got two now that read my ramblings. The next few chapters might take me a tad though, school crap.*


	8. Hat

"Come on, please hurry, I need to get to the docks before he arrives" He whined, holding the hand of a young woman and pulling her along.

"Alfred, the letter he sent said his ship wouldn't dock until seven at the earliest; it's only six." She finished, looking back to the clock tower, near the centre of their town.

It always pleased her to see how excited Alfred would get when the news reached him that his elder brother, Arthur, would be visiting. Though it was not her place to say, she disapproved of adults who left children with nannies, such as her, only wishing to forget them. Anytime she would begin to think the worst of Arthur, he would always show up and absolutely shower the boy with affection and only leave when whatever work he did called for his presence.

"Come on, Mary." Alfred reminded, pulling her out of her thoughts.

"I guess we can go, but I want you to behave yourself when we're there." She warned. He quickly agreed and they set off.

An hour after, Alfred spotted a ship in the distance, quickly approaching. As the boat came into dock Alfred ran forward to meet it.

Waiting for Arthur to have his feet on the ground, Alfred held out his hand, expecting it to be met with another. Instead, Arthur simply scooped the child up, sitting him on his shoulders, and then laughed as Alfred complained only of the feathered hat tickling his nose.

At home, Arthur was entertaining Alfred with adventurous tales.

"…I quickly regained any area I had lost when the third one joined in, then disarmed the first man. While that occupied my attention, the other two had made motion to surround me."

"How did you get out of that?" Alfred asked, his eyes gleaming with awe.

"Well I won't recount exactly how, but you can know this: Many men tasted the steel of my sword on that day." Ended Arthur, readjusting the chair next to Alfred's bed.

"Hey England, how come you never get hurt? I want you to stay safe." Worried the child.

Arthur sighed, it wasn't that he had never had battle wounds; it was just that he avoided Alfred from seeing them or from taking notice of the sore muscles he was left with. The boy thought him nearly invulnerable and he did not wish him to be overly concerned.

"It's magic and luck," he explained, pulling the hat from his head. "This hat keeps me safe so I can always come back to see you." He then set it on the child's head.

"England, will you tell me another story?" Alfred yawned, his unease quelled by the explanation given.

"Until you fall asleep, okay?"


End file.
